In a recent study, researchers revealed subjects’ videos of Olympic professional
athletes standing on the podium being granted their medals. The researchers saw the
professional athletes’ faces– and needed to review who looked the happiest.
Unsurprisingly the ones with the most incredible smiles were those that obtained gold.
However, the strange thing was the winners of bronze medals looked happier than
those that received silver. Why?
The bronze winners were happy because they assumed, “At the very least …” The silver
winners were sad since they believed, “If I only worked harder…”
Yet the research shows that while “At the very least …” makes you feel better in the
moment, ” If I only …” pushes you to make you better in the future.
In another research study, the individuals were asked, “How often typically do you look
back on your life and wish you had done things differently?”
An extraordinary 82 percent claim this task is a regular part of their lives.
Children recognize Regret by age six and predict it by age eight. That shows that
people’s cognitive machinery is preprogrammed for Regret.
IS REGRET GOOD FOR YOU?
Too much Regret is a bad thing. Pondering over mistakes results in depression as well
as stress and anxiety. It’s like banging your head against the wall without any
advantages.
But Regret is valuable and essential. It has three significant long-term effects:
1. Improvement in decision making
Research reveals the more we consider exactly how we messed up in the past, the
more we do to improve in the future.
Three social psychologists studied salespeople who had had their initial offer accepted.
The researchers asked them to rate how much better they might have done so they
would undoubtedly make a more significant offer next time. The more they regretted
their choice, the more time they invested preparing for a following offer presentation.
2. Improvement in your overall performance
Researchers had individuals try to solve a high number of anagrams. Afterward, they
told some of them they didn’t do that well on the test, purposely causing Regret. In the
subsequent trial, the remorseful group of individuals solved many more puzzles and
stayed on task longer than anyone else in the experiment.
3. Improvement in your life’s significance
Reviewing the past and considering other opportunities for Regret enriches our
experiences and memories. This is how we expand and grow.
Reflection enhances significant life experiences as well as relationships with higher
importance. Also, when individuals think about choices in life events, they experience
greater levels of spiritual sensation and a much more profound sense of purpose.
A wise man once said, “The sense of guilt indicates your job is not yet finished.”
Regrets are lessons not yet discovered—a task you must internalize and use.
The studies show that regrets fall into four classifications.
a) Foundation Regrets
Regrets that result from a failure to act responsibly. When we weren’t conscientious,
sensible, or disciplined enough, we missed classes in college, avoided workouts, or did
not work hard enough. We opt for temporary satisfaction instead of long-lasting gain.
When you hear yourself stating “too much” followed by “insufficient,” you’re probably
handling a foundation regret. “I did way too much spending and insufficient saving.”
How do we stop foundation regrets? Take an imaginary picture of your future. Think less
about what’s fun currently and more about where you want to get in a specific time
frame. Do what it will require to get you there.
b) Boldness Regrets
Boldness Regrets sound like this: “If I ‘d taken that risk …”.
They represent passivity and lost possibilities, the opportunity we did not take. This kind
of Regret is prevalent in the sectors of love and career. We play it safe.
At the end of our lives, we are sorry for what we did not do.
Regrettable failures to act have a longer half-life than regrettable actions. Doing
something wrong doesn’t feel good; however, its limits are defined.
Boldness regrets represent missing out on the possibility of development for what could
have been. We miss out on a chance at credibility. To be who we intend to be, not being
true to ourselves.
Do not ignore boldness regrets. On a casual evaluation of the greatest regrets
individuals carry on their deathbeds. “Not living a life true to oneself” came at the top.
Does that scare you? Great. Start doing what you always wanted to do.
c) Ethical Regrets
You act inadequately, damage the rules, lie, or betray. Ethical regrets seem like: “If I ‘d
just done the right thing …”.
The most frequent type is hurting others, like bullying. A close second was cheating
others, including extramarital relations.
Ethical regrets were the least typical of the large four and only accounted for 10%.
However, they were frequently the most painful.
The lesson right here? Do the right thing. Make the decision you will take pride in the
future, despite exactly how attractive the immediate choice is.
Moral regrets can seem like a mental prison.
d) Connection Regrets
We allow relationships to die—or never give them a possibility to bloom. This is the
most common of the four regrets. Connection regrets sound like this: “If only I would
certainly reach out …”.
More than money or popularity, close relationships keep individuals happy. Those
connections safeguard individuals from life’s unhappiness, aiding in postponing mental
and physical decline. They are much better forecasters of long and pleased lives than
social class, intelligence, and even genes.
If you do not connect, there might never be one more chance. The possibility is lost for
life.
Call the person you miss. You’ll feel much better. They’ll feel much better.
How do we deal with Regret?
There are three actions for coping: Disclose, Reframe, and Extract a lesson.
DISCLOSE IT
If discussing it appears complicated, writing about it can do wonders. Simply considering the Regret frequently ends up as self-hurt, which makes things even worse. Writing helps you understand it.
REFRAME IT
How would you respond if somebody you like has the same concern? Expand the very same compassion on you that you generally provide for others.
EXTRACT A LESSON
And then seek the lesson. What can you learn? Move from “ If only …” to “At the very least …” Find the positive aspect of hurting regarding this issue.
Look for the advantage. Maybe you regret a marital relationship that did not work out– however, it offered you some great kids.
In summary
Here is how to manage Regret:
- Regret can be a good event for you: Regret is a lesson you must use to enhance
yourself. Your job is not yet done. - Foundation Regrets: Avoid them by doing the work.
- Boldness regrets: Conquer them by taking that threat.
- Ethical regrets: Do the right thing. Ask yourself, is this hurting someone.
- Connection regrets: Talk to them soon.
How to cope: Can you undo it?
If not: reveal, reframe, as well as extract a lesson.
If you understand your biggest regrets, you can identify what matters most to you.
Foundation regrets mean that we value stability.
Boldness regrets mean we value development.
Ethical regrets mean we value good actions.
Connection regrets mean we value love.